I wish it would write itself.

This past week, college essays have been all the talk. I've been thinking about what I wanted to write since sophomore year, I thought I had the perfect college essay idea. I decided to roll with it but slowly as I learned more about the topics and the ideas we are to commemorate with our stories this idea is slowly growing farther away from the perfect college essay. 


The letter S girl had always been the epitome of THE college essay, but now she isn't. The essay for her time was astonishing. She changed how people wrote and viewed college essays, but now every other essay seems to be copied or at least similarly related to her. If she isn't the standard, what is? 

I feel like the standard always changes and is so subjective to the human eye. So many realizations through this process have brought me to the conclusion that it is not easy to write an essay and I do not think it's gonna get easier. 


Choosing a topic feels like trying to pick one moment of your life that captures literally everything about who you are as a person. Do I write about my amazing intellect? My unique hobbies? My life grappling with challenges? Or something so completely unrelated to my life that I sound smart? There are just so many choices that my head ends up spinning. 


One thing I started trying was to imagine my own college essay behind music being read by others on TikTok. I wonder if I would get the same moved reaction that others get, but this hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. 


But what really has helped me is the discussions we have in class. Looking at small and specific parts of our essays has me looking at my essay in a different perspective. Before I would stare mindlessly at the screen not knowing what to change, giving up after just a few minutes. But now I find myself spending an hour on just one paragraph. Tweaking it until I am somewhat satisfied. 


I am nowhere close to finishing my essay, but the discussion we have been having in class has really changed my view and thinking structure on how to approach my essay. Hopefully one day I can move people with my college essay with background music on TikTok as well.


Latest mini hibernation: I slept for 45 mins with 5 min alarms between each interval of rest before writing this.

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